Raising mentally strong children is one of the most important tasks any parent can undertake. It’s not easy, but it’s essential to helping your kids become resilient adults who are capable of facing life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Unfortunately, some well-meaning parents may unknowingly hinder their child’s mental strength by using language that is negative or unhelpful.
Psychotherapists recently revealed 12 phrases parents should never say if they want to help their child develop strong emotional intelligence and mental toughness. By avoiding these phrases, you can create an environment in which your child feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism.
‘Calm down!’
Parents should never tell their children to ‘calm down’ when they are feeling emotional. Not only is this phrase unhelpful in actually calming the child, but it also implies that the emotions they are feeling should not be expressed or are wrong.
Psychologists advise parents to help their children understand and process their emotions instead of trying to quash them.
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‘Don’t worry about it.’
One of the most common phrases parents say to their children is, “Don’t worry about it.”
While this phrase can be comforting for some, it is actually detrimental to a child’s mental strength and resilience.
‘You’ll do fine.’
One phrase that parents should avoid saying to their children is ‘you’ll do fine.’ While well-meaning, this phrase can actually be counter-productive for a child’s mental development. It implies that the outcome doesn’t matter and can offer false reassurance, leading to complacency and an unwillingness to put in the effort.
Instead of telling them they’ll do fine no matter what, it’s better to encourage your kids by letting them know you believe in their abilities and will support them through any challenge they may face. This kind of positive reinforcement encourages resilience and teaches children how to cope with failure while still maintaining a growth mindset.
‘Don’t ever let me catch you doing that again.’
One of the phrases that parents should never say to their children is, “Don’t ever let me catch you doing that again.” This statement is not only intimidating, but it also creates an environment of fear instead of trust.
Kids are more likely to act out if they are feeling scared or threatened. Instead of this type of statement, parents should take a more understanding approach and talk to their children about why it’s not okay to do certain things.
‘You’re the best!’
It is important for parents to build their child’s self-esteem by praising them and showing them how special they are. But using the phrase “you’re the best!” can have a negative impact on your child’s development. According to psychotherapists, this phrase should be avoided as it can lead to unrealistic expectations and unhealthy competition with others.
Instead, parents should focus on helping children develop resilience and inner strength by emphasizing effort over outcome. By encouraging kids to strive for excellence rather than perfection, you are teaching them that mistakes are part of learning and growth – something essential for success in life.
‘That’s perfect!’
‘That’s perfect!’ It might seem like an innocent phrase, but it can be detrimental to a child’s mental health. When parents tell their children that something they have done is perfect, they are sending the message that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. This puts immense pressure on a child to always strive for unattainable standards and sets them up for feelings of failure when they inevitably make mistakes or don’t reach their goals.
Additionally, telling a child everything they do is perfect discourages curiosity and exploration because kids feel like there isn’t any room for improvement. Instead of saying, ‘That’s perfect!’, parents can encourage their children by praising effort and progress rather than results.
‘You’re making me mad.’
One phrase that parents should never say to their children is, “You’re making me mad.” While it may seem like an innocuous thing to say at the moment, it can have long-term damaging effects on kids. It implies that their behavior is causing the parent to feel negative emotions and can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem.
Instead, try reframing the situation by saying something like, “I’m feeling low right now and I need some help to figure out how to handle this.” This helps children learn how to manage their emotions better and encourages healthy communication.
