We’ve all been there, that sticky situation where a fib seems like the only way out of an awkward kid conundrum. “Yes, kiddo, the Tooth Fairy did leave you that dollar.” or “If you don’t finish your broccoli, Santa’s striking you off the nice list.”
As parents, we sometimes take the easy route, resorting to little white lies to simplify the complexities of life for our children. But before you put on that storyteller hat, let’s chat. Here are the top 20 lies you should never tell your child:
“Santa Won’t Come if You’re Naughty.”
While this age-old fib may seem harmless, it can stress your child unnecessarily during holiday time.
“If You Don’t Eat Your Veggies, You’ll Never Grow Big and Strong.”
Sure, veggies are good for them, but plenty of other foods can help them grow, too.
“We’re Almost There!”
When you have hours left in a car ride, kids have a pretty good internal clock, which only teaches them not to trust you.
“I Always Know When You’re Lying.”
While it might seem like a helpful deterrent, it’s not always true. It’s healthier to encourage honesty.
“I Never Made Mistakes at Your Age.”
This can put unrealistic expectations on your child. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when learning.
“It Won’t Hurt, I Promise.”
Unless you are a doctor, please don’t make promises you can’t keep. Not only do kids not believe it, but they know when you’re wrong. Sometimes, things hurt, and preparing them for reality is better.
“You’re the Best/Knowledgeable/Brightest in Your Class.”
While it’s nice to give compliments, over-praising can backfire. It might lead your child to be too hard on themself when they don’t live up to those expectations.
Instead, focus on their effort and accomplishments instead of comparing them with others. It’s great to encourage them, but this could lead to arrogance or a fear of failure.
“We Can Come Back and Buy That Toy Next Time.”
If you can’t afford something, don’t promise a child you will buy it next time. It gives them false hope and teaches them to expect things when they may not be possible.
Be honest with your kids about money, but also let them know how much you care about them regardless. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. It’s better to explain why they can’t have it now.
“There Are No Monsters Under Your Bed.”
If your child fears monsters, it’s understandable to comfort them. However, please don’t lie to them about the existence of monsters or anything else that may not be true.
Instead, please explain how to protect them and ensure they feel safe. And if they doubt it, make sure you follow through with your promises and keep their environment as safe as possible. Rather than denying their fears, help them understand and cope with them.
“Your Pet Went To Live on a Farm.”
Losing a pet can be heartbreaking. Please don’t tell your child the pet has gone to live on a farm when it passes away. This may confuse them and make it harder for them to cope with the loss.
Instead, explain that death is part of life and talk about happy memories you had with the pet. Be honest about death, in an age-appropriate way, of course.
“I’m Too Busy.”
Don’t make your child feel like a burden. You can constantly offer an alternative time when you can give them your full attention. Sometimes, we may feel too busy to commit to specific activities or events with our children, but avoid telling them this.
Telling a child that you’re too busy can make them feel unimportant and neglected. Always provide alternative solutions so your children don’t worry about why you weren’t available.
“If You Tell Me the Truth, You Won’t Get In Trouble.”
This is often followed up by a punishment, leading to trust issues. Avoid pressuring your child with this phrase.
Kids aren’t always aware of the consequences they face for telling a lie, and this statement can lead them to think that it is okay to tell lies because you won’t punish them as long as they tell you the truth. Instead, talk to them about why honesty is important and encourage open communication.
“Your Mother/Father Would Never Do That.”
It’s not fair to make assumptions about the other parent’s behavior. Instead, use statements such as “I have my own way of doing things” or “This is the best way for us to handle this situation.” This will help your child understand that each parent has unique traditions and values.
“Money Doesn’t Matter.”
While it’s not everything, kids must understand the value and importance of money. This statement can make children believe that money isn’t essential, leading to them not understanding the value of money and making poor financial decisions.
Instead, talk to your child about budgeting, saving, and responsible spending so they understand the importance of managing their finances.
“You’re Okay.”
If a child is hurt or upset, it’s better to acknowledge their feelings. Parents sometimes use the phrase “you’re okay” to comfort their children.
While it’s a great way to show your child love and support, this phrase can make them feel like they don’t need help or guidance, which is invalid. Instead, show them you understand their feelings by saying, “I know how tough this is.”
“It’s Not You, It’s Me.”
If a child has done something wrong, it’s vital to help them understand and take responsibility. When a parent has to reject their child’s request, they might use the phrase “it’s not you; it’s me.”
While this is an attempt to protect their child from feeling rejected, it can make them feel confused and isolated. A better approach is for parents to explain why something isn’t possible without blaming themselves or their child.
“You’re Just Like [Negative Trait of a Relative].”
Comparing children to the negative traits of a relative can be damaging. This can lead to resentment and identity issues.
These labels can stick with them for years and damage their self-esteem. Instead, focus on praising the positive traits they have to encourage and motivate them.
“I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About.”
If you’re not ready to answer, it’s better to tell them you’ll talk about it later. When children are trying to explain something they’ve experienced or how a situation has made them feel, parents need to listen and validate their feelings.
Dismissing their thoughts can make them feel like what they’re saying isn’t necessary and that their perspective doesn’t matter.
“It’s All Going To Be Okay.”
While it’s important to comfort them, it can be misleading if the situation does not turn out okay. It’s normal for parents to want to reassure their kids when something has gone wrong or they’re struggling.
But rather than just saying, “it’ll be okay,” it can be more helpful to talk about potential solutions and help them brainstorm ways to cope with the problem.
“I’m Not Upset With You.”
If you are, it’s better to explain why in a way they can understand. Honesty builds trust. This phrase can make it seem like parents are trying to hide their emotions.
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